I've got your numbers

2005-02-19T02:40:00.000Z

I've got your numbers,
originally uploaded by Shooz.

And the police will have them too, tomorrow. You stupid little fuckwit, you didn't withhold the numbers you called from.

Trazodone

2005-02-12T15:43:00.000Z

The Road to Sleep,
originally uploaded by Shooz.

After weeks of thinking about it, I posted the trazodone shots. I wanted people to make the connection, and they did for the most part.

I'm mostly coping well without them, been a bit manic at times, but that's been good. This week has been more difficult though. I'm having trouble leaving the house again, but I think it's a temporary setback. Recovery time perhaps.

2005-02-02T01:48:00.000Z

Since getting back into the swing of photography, I've realised I can express myself much better visually than with words. Occasionally words are needed too, and I needed to write about some recent photos without attaching the words to the pics themselves.

There's these and these

The first set, "An Unnamed Friend", has been by far my most popular set. I know that this is mainly because it is "titillating" and I have deliberately played with that. The model is a good male friend who loves to dress up, but most people don't know this. It was illicit and FUN taking the pics. But that's not all it was.

I started taking the shots after seeing nudes on flickr and having very ambivalent feelings. Beautiful pictures, many of them. Beautiful bodies. Bravery. Erotica. I was interested in people's responses to the photographs, and wondered how the people in the shots felt about these responses. Did they want to be seen as art? Did they enjoy the titillating aspects? Well, I wasn't going to have the guts to find out, but luck threw my friend in my direction.

He loved posing for the shots, but he too had mixed feelings. He was worried to some degree that he would be recognised, but also felt "strange" about people looking at him and finding the pics sexy. He was almost perturbed that the first comment was from a man. He was also discomfited when looking at the pics himself, because he found them sexy.

After the shots had been out there a week, we took some more shots last night. These ones (or at least the ones I have posted) are, I think, subtler. After the shoot, we talked about how we felt about the whole thing. My friend struggled to find the words, but was able to explain in time that he felt quite vulnerable being looked at in such a way. Essentially, he was experiencing a feeling very familiar to women in response to being looked at. And I realised that what I was feeling was POWER.

I feel humbled that my friend trusted me enough to do this, and when I explained the power feelings, he nodded. We realised what this had meant for each of us, and I think it may have helped to exorcise a ghost or two for me.

If you've managed to look at the shots and read this far, I'd really appreciate it if you would leave a comment, just to let me know you've seen this.

Thanks

Shooz's Boring Blog #2

I've got your numbers

Trazodone